Nicole vs. Life
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
i need some magic done to my vagina
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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