Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
