I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
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