listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
A bitchslap is in order.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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