Define "chronic" masturbator.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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