All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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