I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
