i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
