Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
