i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Randomize
