Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
