i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
