I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
