I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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