tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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