Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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