i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
