At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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