dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Randomize
