know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
