I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
