Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
