i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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