I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
