dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
