my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
