so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
My vagina just recognized that song.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
