I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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