He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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