You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
