Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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