I met the friendliest cop last night
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
