this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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