my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
