So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
