oh god the rape fog is back!
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
