dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
