god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
