No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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