you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
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