I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I am naked and annoyed.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
