i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
