i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
