all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
