i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
