i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
