We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
She bit a glass in half.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
