I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
