I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
