I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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