He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
