Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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